I hate food.

Yeah.... it's been quiet on the blog.

That might be because me & food are not in a very good place right now.  It is a very odd thing to deal with the fact that wheat had such a bad effect on me.  And it's just everywhere.

Not there, though!!  Apparently one of the local pizza biggies - Lou Malnati's - does a "gluten free" (wheat free is the important bit for me) pizza.  Basically... their deep-dish sausage pizza contains the sausage as one big disk.  Someone was real smart and figured out they could use that as the "crust", and then put the toppings on that.  And it is just like eating a slice of their regular stuff, sans crust.

At least when we come back from Vegas (going at the beginning of November to celebrate the hubby's big 4-0 birthday) I'll know I can order up a couple of personal pizzas (with crust for him) for us for dinner.

Our area Whole Paycheck (Foods) has a cooking class next weekend on "gluten free cooking."  After much inner debate... I'm going to skip it.  I've pretty much already figured out most stuff I need to know on my own, and this particular Whole Paycheck tends to be frequented by a lot of rich 2nd wives from the affluent 'burbs around these parts... and there is a very high chance I might get violent around someone who is doing this as a "lifestyle choice" and not because they HAVE to.  Because when they cheat or mess up, there are no consequences.  There are when I mess up (and not cheat... have no desire to cheat and make myself feel miserable). 

I used to love food.  I especially loved food prepared by other people for me.  Now I almost dread Friday night and ordering out and trying to figure out what I can eat that won't leave me hurting the next day.

Hopefully the kitchen mojo will come back soon and it'll be less of the totally bland food I've been doing lately (most things are so plain they are totally boring).  Anything on a bun or bread I usually eat "naked" pretty much because although Udi's does make a pretty decent gluten-free bread, it's expensive and I am cheap.  If I'm gonna use it... it better be worth it.

This also means I am spending more time actually in the kitchen - I gotta do my own breakfasts (usually an egg) and lunch for every day.  It's not like it is easy to just pick up something wheat-free if I don't plan ahead (although I am increasing the stockpile in my desk with things like Minute Rice, canned oil-packed tuna, jars of beans, etc.).

I might be doing some full-out meatballs with wheat-free pasta and red sauce and - gasp! - some french bread for me next weekend because I have discovered that a local area bakery - Deerfields - does GF french bread and I did pick some up,  but again.... $5 for two mini loaves - I want to do it justice.

I highly recommend NOT getting a wheat allergy

GOD this sucks.

I hate being grouped in with all the trendy people jumping on the gluten-free bandwagon.  You do it because it is trendy.  I do it because if I don't, the damned skin rash on my hands will come back and I don't like waking up at 3AM just to itch my fingers.  And my issue is not gluten (thank God, I'd be even unhappier if I had to give up beer right now) is just wheat.

I'm not missing the bread all too much, and I have discovered that some non-wheat pasta is OK.

I've learned that Rice Crispys make a very nice breadcrumb-like coating.

I've learned I'll react to french fries that are cooked in the same oil as onion rings, pizza puffs and other things with flour.

I've learned I can't trust that the chicken rice soup and the spanish rice served in the cafeteria in our building at work apparently have flour in them.  Yay.

I've learned I can't eat any traditional condensed soup, even when used as part of a recipe.

I've learned that when offered the choice between gluten-free frozen pizza and a slab of cardboard... eat the cardboard.

Did you know Taco Bell uses wheat in both their taco shells AND their beef?

Did you know most fast food chicken - even in non-fried form - contains wheat and/or gluten?

"No wheat" is also a problem when you're headed off to a party - no pasta, no bread, no pizza, no fried chicken, no crackers... which is some pretty unfortunate karmic payback on me, since I usually try to even make stuff that is vegetarian-friendly when I'm bringing food to a party where I know there will be vegetarians.

Grocery shopping is taking twice as long now, since I have to read product labels on half the things I buy.

On the plus side... I've lost ten pounds in the past month.  It's pretty easy to do when you're afraid of eating anything that doesn't come with a product label.  And yes, I do mean afraid.  I don't want that painful rash back.

B.Y.O.Bread

August was an interesting month around here.

There was all the hand pain.  The very, very bad hand pain.

Then the itching started. The kind of itching that would wake up up at 3am to scratch it, on my fingers.

Along with many very easy dinners that didn't require much knife skills, I decided that one thing I should do was cut down on all the fluffy white carbs.  I did a lot of whole-wheat tortila wraps for lunches.

And my hands got a little better.

Then I figured Hey... if I'm already going the high-fiber bread product route, I might as well take a go at the South Beach diet.

One week without any wheat flour and my hands were vastly improved.  Then I ate white fluffy bread again, and the pain, itching and lovely skin rash broke out.

I went to see the doc.  His conclusion?  Lay off the wheat and apply some prescription cream to the hands.

So... apparently, I am off wheat for awhile.

And did you know wheat is in EVERYTHING???

Seriously... it is.  As I am finding out.

But I have learned some things.

A mixture of one part cornstarch to two parts rice flour gives you a very nice thickener for white sauce, very close to wheat flour.  Those are scallops in a very mish-mashed "Scallops Newburg" that I threw together one night.

And I love socca/farinata.  I just learned that one tonight.

It's basically a chickpea flour flatbread.  The stores I shop at have *very* good selection of Indian foods, so chickpea flour was easy to find and cheap as all get-out.  I finally tried a recipe for it tonight in hopes I would have something remotely bread-like to wrap around a grilled brat.  I mixed it up when I got home and let it sit until I was ready to throw it into the oven.

I think a mixture of less water (thicker) would be nice if I want something pankcake-like in texture.  More water will give a thinner batter and should turn out crispier.  But in any case... the fluffier bits were as good as the crispy bits in this stuff.  I look forward to making it again in the future.

In any case... I am off wheat and I have turned into one of those annoying people who reads the ingredient list on EVERYTHING for the time being.  Even the couple of slip-ups I have made have convinced me that right now, no way, no how do I want anything wheat.  I'm really hoping this is not as far gone as full-out celiac disease (the trendy diagnosis right now - people who cannot have ANYTHING with gluten in it) and more an intolerance brought on by a toxicity from just eating too damned much fluffy white stuff.  Because I was.  But I also do NOT want to never again be able to enjoy a loaf of no-knead bread or a burger on a bun.

Kitchen Things You Didn't Know Existed Until A Few Moments Ago But You Cannot Live Without

So... I've been watching old Julia Child on the new "Cooking Channel" (which is a lot like Food Network was when it started... they actually show COOKING SHOWS).

Today was an episode All About Eve... no wait, that's not right.... All About Breakfast.  That sounds better!

While going through the instructions on how to poach eggs, Julia showed an egg poacher much like the one pictured above.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE, EGG POACHERS????

I love poached eggs.  I'd rather poach an egg than fry an egg (because I always overcook them when I fry).  It's easy to do, but boy, going freeform I'm known to get some funky shaped eggs.  The only bad thing about poaching eggs is trying to get them in nice shapes.

My mission for next weekend... hit the foodservice supply place nearby to see if they have them.  It looks like Crate & Barrel might carry them also... but I'd rather check the foodservice place since I wanna get like six of them.

NEEEEEEED!!!

Three Minute Gourmet

Do "gourmet" recipes scare the beejebus out of you?

Unwilling to spend a ton of money on all the kitchen gadgets that you need to do all the fancy-pants stuff?

Only have a few precious minutes to get something on the table?

Is your comfort level of cooking pretty much pressing buttons?

You'll love Blender Hollandaise.

Cut up a stick of butter.  Put that in a microwaveable container.  I like my glass measuring cup.  Nuke that for 30 seconds.

Meanwhile, separate 3 eggs and dump the yolks in your blender.  I also like to add a blob of dijon mustard.  A few drops of fresh lemon juice is nice, too.

Stir your butter, then nuke for another 30 seconds.

Take the butter out of the microwave.  Take that little middle insert thingy off the top of the blender, and then start the blender on high.  SLOWLY pour the melted butter through the hole in the top of the blender while you let the blender run.

In 60 seconds or less, you'll have Hollandaise that is far better than you'll ever find at a buffet or most restaurants. 

I love the "light hollandaise" I usually make (it's a lightened version, uses flour to thicken the sauce with a LOT less butter) but sometimes it's just a pain to think about making it.  Never the case with blender hollandaise.  Easy and very hard to mess up.

Crazy old Southern recipes that actually work

Peach Cobbler.

It's one of those recipes that you look at and wonder how in the world it work (and how someone came up with the instructions) - but it works.  And it is super easy and so tasty.

I had some peaches to use up... I actually found a nearby farmer's market over the weekend that was semi-decent, and I bought some peaches.  I had to use them up.  What better way than some peach cobbler??

You start your oven.  You throw a stick of butter in a pan and toss that in the oven so the buter can melt.

 Meanwhile, you cook some sliced peaches (I don't bother to peel) with some sugar and water....

 Then it is batter mixing time.  And it is an odd batter.

Flour....

Add milk and mix....

Take the pan out of the oven and the craziness begins.....

Pour the batter OVER the butter...

Pour the peaches OVER the batter....

And then you just look at it for a minute and go "WTF have I just done?  This is never going to work."

But... it does...

The batter bubbles up thru and around the peaches, and it's just wonderful.

Add some vanilla ice cream and let the happiness begin.

Uninspired

Hey.

Yeah... it's been pretty quiet around here.  I have been in a cooking rut.

Lots of the "same ole, same ole" recipes being done.  Partly because regular work has been swamped and a couple of projects for my old old company popped up after we got back from Vegas and I've been busy (but busy is good), but I really haven't seen anything in WEEKS that has had me going "wow, I need to try that!".


For example... the recent cover recipe from one of the food mags I get.. Cooking Light.

Really?

I mean.... REALLY?

This used to be a pretty good magazine with some actual innovative recipes.  Now, we get shredded store-bought chicken piled on to store-bought tostadas.  Thank GOD they finally managed to work out the instructions on how to do THAT.  Because I just wouldn't have been able to figure that out without their help.

I love cookbooks, I love recipes.  I am totally in love with all the recent America's Test Kitchen "extra" issue-thingies I've been finding at the store that are nice compilations of recipes (usually mostly of recipes I've already tried).  Magazines have been a big FAIL lately.  And the last cookbook I bought, I just haven't gotten that into.

Hopefully I'll break outta the funk soon.  Hang in there, folks.