Embarassing.........

As a women who works in a world of men, there is one thing you NEVER want to be seen doing.

Cry.

Not to say it doesn't happen even to the best of us. but under no circumstances do you want to become a blubblery mess for "no reason" around the dudes.

Today was out little farewell party for those who are going in the layoffs. Some beers, some munchines, some last good times with good people.

Um. Yeah. I totally lost it a couple times. Which is SO NOT my work persona.

I'm a bitch at work. A horrid, ragin bitch. You don't wanna piss me off. It gets my job done.

But in my personal life, I'm a girl. I like sparkley things. I like the color pink. I take pride in being a "good wife".

But you'd never know it if you only knew it from work. And i like it that way.

So.... the times tonigh I became a blubbering mess.... even the guys I respect most were a little surprised and they voiced that they never expected me to be the one crying.

But... the worst of all.... I left the bar.... no more loaded than I have been many other times when getting behind the wheel.... and I just fuckin' lost it. Totally lost it. Tears everywhere, shaking, more tears..... pulled over and called the hubby to pick me up, I was too much of an emotional clusterfuck to drive.

And he did pick me up, god love him. And I'm still an emotional mess, god love me. I've been thru layoffs before, I've been the one to loose a job before..... but this time it seems to suck so much worse. I've never worked with such a great bunch of people. God willing... I will work with some of them again, but never the whole group. And O.m.G... that just sucks big time, if you know these people. When you are there, like an idiot, working hard at a late hour..... someone else was always these as an equal idiot working the same hours. It may be stupid...... but that shit is hard to find. And I will miss it.